Catatan Stefano

Category: Artikel Pengembangan Diri

  • 3 Level Kebahagiaan: Menantang, Mengakomodasi, dan Santai

    Mari kita berbicara tentang sebuah misteri. Kita menghabiskan banyak waktu dengan televisi. Menonton televisi mungkin merupakan kegiatan menghabiskan waktu terpopuler di dunia dan merupakan kegiatan yang paling banyak memakan waktu kita, setelah tidur dan kerja. Di Amerika Serikat, orang menghabiskan waktu lebih dari empat jam sehari untuk menonton televisi. Menonton acara yang bagus bisa menjadi sumber kepuasan yang besar. Namun, biasanya gonta-ganti siaran adalah kegiatan yang paling sering dilakukan, yang sebenarnya tidak banyak menambah kebahagiaan kita – tapi kita tetap menonton juga. Jadi bagaimana televisi bisa masuk ke dalam konsep kebahagiaan?

    Untuk menjawab pertanyaan ini, aku akan membagi “kebahagiaan” dalam tiga tipe:
    1. Kebahagiaan yang menantang
    2. Kebahagiaan dalam mengakomodir
    3. Kebahagiaan yang santai

    Kebahagiaan yang menantang adalah kebahagiaan yang paling besar efeknya, dan yang paling banyak menuntut. Belajar untuk bermain golf misalnya, adalah kebahagiaan yang menantang. Pertama kamu harus belajar tentang peralatan, aturan, istilah, dan gerakannya. Kamu merasa frustasi. Kamu harus melakukan banyak hal. Kegiatan ini membutuhkan banyak waktu untuk bisa menguasainya. Tapi lama kelamaan, kegiatan ini menjadi menyenangkan. Kamu berada di luar rumah, bersama teman-teman, kamu semakin ahli dalam bermain, kamu pergi ke tempat-tempat baru – dan itu menyenangkan! Kebahagiaan yang menantang membutuhkan kesabaran, waktu, tenaga, keuletan, dan pemikiran masa panjang.

    Yang biasanya lebih tidak menantang, tapi masih membutuhkan usaha dalam mengerjakannya adalah kebahagiaan dalam mengakomodir. Pergi ke kebun binatang dengan keluarga adalah kebahagiaan tipe ini. Pergi ke acara keluarga, pergi ke acara kantor, pergi makan dan nonton dengan teman-teman, semua membutuhkan akomodasi. Kamu memperkuat hubungan, menciptakan kenangan, bersenang-senang – mungkin tidak sebahagia kalau kamu bisa menentukan segala-galanya. Kebahagiaan tipe ini membutuhkan banyak tenaga, pengaturan, kerjasama dengan orang lain, dan (yang pasti) akomodasi.

    Kebahagiaan yang santai bisa dibilang tidak membutuhkan usaha. Kebahagiaan ini menyantaikan kita. Dia hanya membutuhkan sedikit tenaga. Kamu tidak harus mengasah kemampuan atau melakukan banyak kegiatan. Sedikit sekali kerjasama dengan orang lain atau persiapan yang dibutuhkan. Duduk di pinggir kolam renang, membaca majalah, dan menonton televisi adalah contoh kebahagiaan yang santai.

    Kebahagiaan yang menantang dan kebahagiaan yang mengakomodir, dalam jangka panjang, membawa lebih banyak kebahagiaan, karena mereka adalah sumber dari elemen-elemen yang membuat orang menjadi lebih bahagia: ikatan pribadi yang kuat, keahlian, dan suasana bertumbuh. Kebahagiaan yang santai lebih pasif.

    Jadi kalau kebahagiaan yang santai membawa paling sedikit kebahagiaan, kenapa menonton televisi sangat populer? Karena ketikaa kita mendapat banyak kesenangan dari kesenangan tipe 1 dan tipe 2, kita juga harus mengeluarkan usaha yang banyak. Kebanyakan aktifitas yang menghasilkan banyak kebahagiaan akan membutuhkan banyak tenaga, waktu, dan perencanaan. Tapi pada akhirnya, mereka akan membawa banyak kebahagiaan. Jadi untuk meningkatkan kebahagiaan anda, jika kebanyakan waktu anda diisi dengan kebahagiaan yang santai, cobalah untuk menambahkan beberapa aktivitas menantang atau aktivitas mengakomodir di dalamnya.

    Kegiatan tipe mana yang kamu pasti lakukan di dalam harimu? Apakah kamu kesulitan membatasi waktu nontonmu (atau waktu dengan layar-layar yang lain)?

    Sumber The Happiness Project

  • Pendidikan, Antara Budaya Menghukum dan Merangsang Minat Siswa

    Lime belas tahun lalu saya pernah mengajukan protes pada guru sebuah sekolah tempat anak saya belajar di Amerika Serikat. Masalahnya, karangan berbahasa Inggris yang ditulis anak saya seadanya itu telah diberi nilai E (excellence) yang artinya sempurna, hebat, bagus sekali. Padahal dia baru saja tiba di Amerika dan baru mulai belajar bahasa. Karangan yang dia tulis sehari sebelumnya itu pernah ditunjukkan kepada saya dan saya mencemaskan kemampuan verbalnya yang terbatas. Menurut saya tulisan itu buruk, logikanya sangat sederhana. Saya memintanya memperbaiki kembali, sampai dia menyerah. Rupanya karangan itulah yang diserahkan anak saya kepada gurunya dan bukan diberi nilai buruk, malah dipuji. Ada apa? Apa tidak salah memberi nilai? Bukankah pendidikan memerlukan kesungguhan? Kalau begini saja sudah diberinilai tinggi, saya khawatir anak saya cepat puas diri. Sewaktu saya protes, ibu guru yang menerima saya hanya bertanya singkat. “Maaf Bapak dari mana?” “Dari Indonesia,” jawab saya. Dia pun tersenyum.

    BUDAYA MENGHUKUM

    Pertemuan itu merupakan sebuah titik balik yang penting bagi hidup saya. Itulah saat yang mengubah cara saya dalam mendidik dan membangun masyarakat.

    “Saya mengerti,” jawab ibu guru yang wajahnya mulai berkerut, namun tetap simpatik itu. “Beberapa kali saya bertemu ayah-ibu dari Indonesia yang anak anaknya dididik di sini,” lanjutnya. “Di negeri Anda, guru sangat sulit memberi nilai. Filosofi kami mendidik di sini bukan untuk menghukum, melainkan untuk merangsang orang agar maju. Encouragement! ” Dia pun melanjutkan argumentasinya.

    “Saya sudah 20 tahun mengajar. Setiap anak berbeda-beda. Namun untuk anak sebesar itu, baru tiba dari negara yang bahasa ibunya bukan bahasa Inggris, saya dapat menjamin, ini adalah karya yang hebat,” ujarnya menunjuk karangan berbahasa Inggris yang dibuat anak saya. Dari diskusi itu saya mendapat pelajaran berharga. Kita tidak dapat mengukur prestasi orang lain menurut ukuran kita.

    Saya teringat betapa mudahnya saya menyelesaikan study saya yang bergelimang nilai “A”, dari program master hingga doktor. Sementara di Indonesia, saya harus menyelesaikan studi jungkir balik ditengarai ancaman drop out dan para penguji yang siap menerkam. Saat ujian program doktor saya pun dapat melewatinya dengan mudah. Pertanyaan mereka memang sangat serius dan membuat saya harus benar-benar siap. Namun suasana ujian dibuat sangat bersahabat. Seorang penguji bertanya dan penguji yang lain tidak ikut menekan, melainkan ikut membantu memberikan jalan begitu mereka tahu jawabannya. Mereka menunjukkan grafik-grafik yang saya buat dan menerangkan seterang-terangnya sehingga kami makin mengerti. Ujian penuh puja-puji, menanyakan ihwal masa
    depan dan mendiskusikan kekurangan penuh keterbukaan. Pada saat kembali ke Tanah Air, banyak hal sebaliknya sering saya saksikan. Para pengajar bukan saling menolong, malah ikut “menelan” mahasiswanya yang duduk di bangku ujian.

    ***

    Etika seseorang penguji atau promotor membela atau meluruskan pertanyaan, penguji marah-marah, tersinggung, dan menyebarkan berita tidak sedap seakan-akan kebaikan itu ada udang di balik batunya. Saya sempat mengalami frustrasi yang luar biasa menyaksikan bagaimana para dosen menguji, yang maaf, menurut hemat saya sangat tidak manusiawi. Mereka bukan melakukan encouragement, melainkan discouragement. Hasilnya pun bisa diduga, kelulusan rendah dan yang diluluskan pun kualitasnya tidak hebat-hebat betul. Orang yang tertekan ternyata belakangan saya temukan juga menguji dengan cara menekan. Ada semacam balas dendam dan kecurigaan. Saya ingat betul bagaimana guru-guru di Amerika memajukan anak didiknya. Saya berpikir pantaslah anak-anak di sana mampu menjadi penulis karya-karya ilmiah yang hebat, bahkan penerima Hadiah Nobel. Bukan karena mereka punya guru yang pintar secara akademis, melainkan karakternya sangat kuat: karakter yang membangun, bukan merusak.

    Kembali ke pengalaman anak saya di atas, ibu guru mengingatkan saya. “Janganlah kita mengukur kualitas anak-anak kita dengan kemampuan kita yang sudah jauh di depan,” ujarnya dengan penuh kesungguhan. Saya juga teringat dengan rapor anak-anak di Amerika yang ditulis dalam bentuk verbal. Anak-anak Indonesia yang baru tiba umumnya mengalami kesulitan, namun rapornya tidak diberi nilai merah, melainkan diberi kalimat yang mendorongnya untuk bekerja lebih keras, seperti berikut. “Sarah telah memulainya dengan berat, dia mencobanya dengan sungguh-sungguh. Namun Sarah telah menunjukkan kemajuan yang berarti.”

    Malam itu saya mendatangi anak saya yang tengah tertidur dan mengecup keningnya. Saya ingin memeluknya di tengah-tengah rasa salah telah memberi penilaian yang tidak objektif. Dia pernah protes saat menerima nilai E yang berarti excellent (sempurna), tetapi saya mengatakan “gurunya salah”. Kini saya melihatnya dengan kacamata yang berbeda.

    MELAHIRKAN KEHEBATAN

    Bisakah kita mencetak orang-orang hebat dengan cara menciptakan hambatan dan rasa takut? Bukan tidak mustahil kita adalah generasi yang dibentuk oleh sejuta ancaman: gesper, rotan pemukul, tangan bercincin batu akik, kapur, dan penghapus yang dilontarkan dengan keras oleh guru, sundutan rokok, dan seterusnya. Kita dibesarkan dengan seribu satu kata-kata ancaman: Awas…; Kalau,…; Nanti,…; dan tentu saja tulisan berwarna merah menyala di atas kertas ujian dan rapor di sekolah. Sekolah yang membuat kita tidak nyaman mungkin telah membuat kita menjadi lebih disiplin. Namun di lain pihak dia juga bisa mematikan inisiatif dan mengendurkan semangat.

    Temuan-temuan baru dalam ilmu otak ternyata menunjukkan otak manusia tidak statis, melainkan dapat mengerucut (mengecil) atau sebaliknya, dapat tumbuh. Semua itu sangat tergantung dari ancaman atau dukungan (dorongan) yang didapat dari orang-orang di sekitarnya. Dengan demikian kecerdasan manusia dapat tumbuh, sebaliknya dapat menurun. Seperti yang sering saya katakan, ada orang pintar dan ada orang yang kurang pintar atau bodoh. Tetapi juga ada orang yang tambah pintar dan ada orang yang tambah bodoh.

    Mari kita renungkan dan mulailah mendorong kemajuan, bukan menaburkan ancaman atau ketakutan. Bantulah orang lain untuk maju, bukan dengan menghina atau memberi ancaman yang menakut-nakuti..

    Ditulis oleh: Prof. Rhenald Kasali (Guru Besar FE UI).

  • Rahasia Di Balik Doa

    Αdα seseorang pemuda yg rajin berdoa, minta sesuatu sama Tuhan. Tapi doa tak kunjung terkabul. Sebulan menunggu masih belum terkabul juga. Tetap dia setia berdoa. Tiga bulan juga belum. Tetap dia setia berdoa. Hingga hampir 1 tahun dia berdoa, belum terkabul juga.

    Dia melihat teman kantornya. Orangnya biasa saja. Tak istimewa. Ibadah ke gereja pun jarang. Kelakuannya juga sering nggak beres, sering menipu, bohong sana-sini. Tapi anehnya, apa yg dia doain, semuanya dipenuhi. Pemuda ini pun heran. Akhirnya, dia pun datang ke seorang pendeta. Ceritalah dia permasalahan yg sedang dihadapi. Tentang doanya yg sulit terkabul padahaal dia taat dan setia, sedangkan temannya yg bandel, malah dapat apa yg dia inginkan.

    Tersenyumlah pendeta ini. Bertanyalah si pendeta ke pemuda ini: “Kalau anda lagi duduk di warung, kemudian datang pengamen, tampilannya urakan, maen musik gak bener, suara fals, bagaimana?” Pemuda tadi menjawab, “segera saya kasih pak pendeta, gak nahan ngeliat dan dengerin dia lama2 disitu, sambil nyanyi pula.”

    Pendeta bertanya lagi, “kalau pengamennya rapi, main musiknya enak, suaranya merdu, bawain lagu yg kamu suka, bagaimana?” Pemuda ini pun menjawab, “wah kalo itu saya dengerin pak pendeta. Saya biarin dia nyanyi sampai habis. Lama pun tidak masalah. Kalau perlu saya suruh nyanyi lagi. Nyanyi sampai sealbum pun saya rela dengerinnya. Kalau pengamen urakan tadi saya kasih 500, yang ini 100rb pun saya rela.”

    Pak pendeta tersenyum. “Begitulah nak, Tuhan ketika melihat engkau yang taat dan setia datang menghadapNya, Tuhan betah dengarin doamu. Melihat kamu. Dan Tuhan pengen sering ketemu kamu dalam waktu yg lama. Buat Tuhan, ngasih apa yg kamu mau itu gampang betul. Tapi Dia pengen nahan kamu lebih lama, biar lebih intim sama Dia. Coba bayangin, kalo doamu cepat dikabulin, apa kamu bakal sedekat ini? Dan dipenghujung nanti, apa yg kamu dapatkan jauh lebih besar dari apa yg kamu minta & indah pd wkt NYA. Percaya & sabar.”

  • Mempercayai Kebutuhan Anda

    MEMPERCAYAI KEBUTUHAN ANDA
     
    Beberapa tahun lalu, saya punya keyakinan rohani yang tidak waras. Saya percaya bahwa jika saya ingin menjadi seorang yang kudus, saya TIDAK boleh mempercayai kebutuhan saya.  Karena saya memikirkan keinginan saya sebagian besar dari kedagingan, bukan dari Roh Kudus.
    Pesan yang saya terima adalah ini: “Takutlah akan dirimu.  Takutlah akan keinginanmu.  Takutlah akan keegoisanmu.  Jangan percayai dirimu.  Sebaliknya, percayalah kepada Tuhan.  Percayalah kepada kelompokmu.  Percayalah kepada pemimpinmu.  Percayalah kepada jaringan…”  (Inilah sebabnya mengapa ada begitu banyak pelecehan rohani yang terjadi dalam kelompok-kelompok rohani.)
    Oh, hal yang mengerikan untuk dipercaya! Pendeta, pengkotbah, dan pastor senang menekankan pesan ini: “Jangan percayai dirimu!”  Secara langsung atau tidak langsung, mereka akan meminta anggota mereka untuk percaya saja pada kebijakan dan keputusan pemimpinnya.  Secara tidak sengaja, mereka menghasilkan orang-orang yang tidak bertumbuh secara emosional dan rohani, seperti bayi-bayi.
    Bukannya memberi kebebasan, agama malah membelenggu kita menuju ketidakdewasaan.  (Tuhan memanggil kita untuk menjadi seperti anak-anak, bukan kekanak-kanakan.)
     
     
    Tuhan Mempercayai Anda –
    Kapan Anda Akan Belajar Mempercayai Diri Sendiri?
     
    Sebaliknya, kita perlu mendengar sebuah pesan baru. Pesan apa?  Bahwa Anda diciptakan segambar dan serupa dengan Tuhan!  Bahwa Anda tidak hanya baik.  Anda sangat baik!  Jadi percayalah pada diri Anda karena Tuhan mempercayai Anda.  Ia mempercayai Anda dengan menyebut Anda sebagai anakNya.  Ia mempercayai Anda dengan menanamkan KerajaanNya di dalam Anda.  Ia mempercayai Anda dengan berdiam di dalam diri Anda.  Ia mempercayai Anda dengan mengutus Anda menjadi bukti kehadiranNya di dunia.  Ia mempercayai Anda untuk mengasihi dengan cara Ia mengasihi…”
    Wow!  (Percayalah pada saya, ketika saya berdoa, ketika saya membaca Alkitab, ketika saya mendengarkan suara Tuhan di kedalaman hati saya, saya mengatakan “Wow!” berulang-ulang kali.) Dan salah satu cara untuk mempercayai diri Anda adalah dengan mempercayai kebutuhan Anda. Bukan kebutuhan dosa Anda.  (Itu adalah apa yang perlu Anda sangkal.)  Tapi kebutuhan yang benar, sah, dan ditanamkan Tuhan.
    Penuhi kebutuhan-kebutuhan itu.  Bahkan kebutuhan Anda untuk gembira. Beberapa orang memandang semua kesenangan adalah buruk.  Moto mereka: “Jika itu terasa menyenangkan, itu pasti tidak baik.”  Itu tidak benar. Saya percaya hidup yang diberikan Tuhan harus dinikmati dengan maksimal.  Untuk dinikmati dengan sukacita.  Maka cicipilah.  Hiruplah.  Sukai.  Menarilah.  Menyanyilah.  Hiduplah!
    Ketika kita menikmati hidup, kita juga mengijinkan orang lain untuk menikmatinya.  (Pernahkah bertanya-tanya mengapa beberapa orang rohani begitu sombong, mereka tidak membiarkan siapapun untuk menikmati hidup?)
     
    Cintai diri Anda!
     
     
    Apa yang Menguras Anda?
    Singkirkan Itu Jikan Anda Bisa
     
    Saya tidak bermaksud untuk menulis sebuah daftar lengkap tentang bagaimana Anda perlu memperhatikan diri Anda.  (Saya akan melakukannya dalam tulisan panjang lainnya.) Tapi ini sebuah pertanyaan yang saya ingin Anda tanyakan pada diri sendiri: Apa yang menguras Anda? Orang, hal, kegiatan, kelompok, kebiasaan, situasi, dan tempat apa dalam hidup Anda yang menguras sukacita dan hidup dan energi dan kekudusan Anda?  Apa yang mengisap kebahagiaan Anda? Jika itu adalah sesuatu yang merupakan bagian dari tujuan mulia dalam hidup Anda, maka hadapilah.  Tapi jika bukan, singkirkan itu!
    Dengan melakukan itu, Anda akan bertumbuh dan memiliki lebih banyak hidup dan energi untuk hal-hal yang benar yang Tuhan ingin Anda lakukan. Dengan kata lain, saya meminta Anda untuk menentukan batasan-batasan Anda.
     
     
    Kasihi Orang Berdosa Dan Orang Kudus Di Dalamnya
     
    Kita tergoda untuk hanya melihat pendosa di dalam diri kita. Ingatkan diri Anda bahwa juga ada seorang kudus di dalam diri Anda. Pada ulang tahun saya yang lalu, saya mengadakan pesta dengan beberapa teman-teman dekat. Sudah menjadi tradisi kami bahwa kami menghormati orang yang berulang tahun – maka kali itu menjadi giliran saya duduk di kursi panas.
    Saya harus jujur terhadap Anda.  Selalu terasa mengerikan harus dihormati oleh teman-teman selama satu jam – tapi beberapa waktu sesudahnya, saya merasa Tangki Cinta saya terisi penuh.
    Sebagai contoh, seorang teman menceritakan bagaimana saya membantunya di saat ia mengalami kesusahan.  (Saya melakukannya?  Betulkah?)  Seorang teman lain menceritakan bagaimana ia begitu tersentuh oleh belas kasihan saya.  Seorang teman lain menghormati saya karena saya selalu ada di sisinya sekalipun ketika semua orang lain menolaknya.
    Saya berharap ada kamera yang merekam!  Sehingga saya dapat melihat dan mendengarnya lagi – khususnya ketika saya meragukan diri sendiri.  Ketika saya merasa kurang baik.  Ketika saya merasa saya tidak berharga.  (Ya, saya melalui masa-masa itu.) Ini adalah pengalaman yang umum.

    Mari saya akhiri dengan menceritakan sebuah kisah indah yang saya baca dalam seri Chicken Soup…
     
     
    Ingatkan Diri Anda Bahwa Anda Adalah Seorang Kudus Di Dalam
     
    Suatu hari, seorang guru meminta murid-muridnya untuk menuliskan nama-nama murid yang lain di selembar kertas.  “Dan berikan jarak di antara setiap nama,” instruksinya. Ketika mereka selesai, sang guru berkata, “Di bawah setiap nama, ibu ingin kalian menuliskan hal-hal baik yang kalian lihat dalam diri orang itu.”  Dalam sekejap, anak-anak menyibukkan diri dengan tugas itu dan memakan waktu hingga jam pelajaran usai untuk menyelesaikannya. Guru membawa kertas-kertas itu pulang dan menyortir materinya.  Di atas secarik kertas per anak, ia menulis semua kelebihan yang dituliskan oleh teman-teman sekelas mereka. Pada jam pelajaran berikutnya, ia memberikan kertas-kertas itu kepada anak-anak.  Mereka sangat senang membaca surat itu.  “Wow, betulkah saya orang ini?” beberapa dari mereka berseru.
    Bertahun-tahun kemudian, sang guru menerima sebuah telepon.  Salah seorang mantan muridnya, yang telah menjadi seorang prajurit, terbunuh di medan perang.  Bersediakah ia hadir dalam acara pemakaman? Ia pergi dan melihat banyak dari mantan murid-muridnya yang menyampaikan rasa berdukacita kepada keluarga yang ditinggalkan.  Ketika ia berdiri di sisi peti mati, menatap tubuh seorang pria muda berseragam yang sudah tidak bernyawa, seorang wanita parobaya menghampirinya.
    “Apakah Anda guru SD putera saya?”
    “Ya,” katanya, “Anda pasti ibunya.  Saya turut berdukacita.”
    “Saya ingin menunjukkan sesuatu pada Anda,” kata ibu itu.  “Putera saya menyimpan ini dalam dompetnya ketika ia meninggal.” 
    Ia menarik secarik kertas lusuh.  Jelas kelihatan kalau kertas itu telah dilipat dan dibuka berulang kali. Bahkan sebelum membukanya, guru itu sudah tahu apa itu.  Itu adalah secarik kertas yang berisi daftar kebaikan yang dilihat teman-temannya dalam dirinya.  Disimpan dan dibaca selama bertahun-tahun. Pada saat itu, murid-muridnya yang lain sudah berkumpul di sekeliling mereka berdua.
    Seorang pria muda di sisi sang guru berkata, “Ah, saya juga membawa kertas saya ke manapun saya pergi.”
    Seorang wanita di belakang berkata, “Saya masih menyimpan punya saya.  Tersimpan dalam diary saya.”
    Seorang pria lain berkata, “Saya memasang daftar saya di meja saya di rumah.”
    Seorang wanita lain berkata, “Kelihatannya kita semua menyimpan kertas itu selama ini!”
    Sang guru tersentuh tanpa dapat berkata-kata. Mengapa secarik kertas sederhana itu begitu berarti? Karena inilah kebenarannya:  Hidup dapat terasa kasar.  Pada berbagai waktu, bahkan dapat terasa kejam.  Setiap kali kita gagal, setiap kali kita menerima kritik, setiap kali kita ditolak, kita meragukan apakah kita berharga.  Kita meragukan kebaikan kita. Kita sangat membutuhkan cinta. Kita perlu mengasihi orang kudus dalam diri kita.

    Teman, cintai diri Anda. Setiap hari, rayakan kelebihan dalam diri Anda.  Rayakan kebaikan Anda.  Rayakan keindahan diri Anda. Bersyukurlah pada Tuhan untuk betapa indahnya Ia menciptakan Anda. Kasihi orang berdosa dan orang kudus di dalamnya.
     
    Semoga impian Anda menjadi kenyataan,

    Bo Sanchez

    (Diterjemahkan oleh: Jessica Jeanne Pangestu)
     

  • Kenapa anjing hidup lebih singkat dibandingkan manusia

    WHY DOGS LIVE LESS THAN HUMAN ? ANSWER OF A 6 YEAR OLD

    Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

    I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and o
    (more…)

  • What is love?

    The phone rang.
    She was sobbing badly on the other end of the line. “I’m going over,” I told her and hung up before she could protest.

    1am. It was going to be a long night ahead.. She was still crying when she opened the door. She looked so broken, so vulnerable. I didn’t have to know what was wrong, I just held her in my arms. She cried even more.

    “He broke up with me,” she finally said.
    I just kept quiet as she let it all out.. questions, tears, anger, hurt.
    “Why does love have to hurt so much?”
    “No, love.. doesn’t hurt,” I said gently.
    “So says the guy who’s been single forever? What would you know about love,” she jabbed.
    “So says the guy who’s been your friend though Mr now-ex-#4,” I grinned. “Love doesn’t hurt you.. it’s the person that doesn’t know how to love or appreciate love that hurts you. But love never hurts,”.
    “You won’t understand, Matt,” she sighed, “you’ve never been in love…”
    “That’s not entirely true, you know..”
    “Wait what- so who’s this girl I’ve never heard abou-“
    “What did you love about #4 anyway?” I interjected.
    “I don’t know… he is just perfect. And I love him so much,”
    “But you don’t know what it is that you love about him?”
    “It’s just.. the feeling when I’m with him. It always felt right with him. He made me feel loved and I loved him too,”
    “That’s it? Just a feeling?”
    “Well.. yea. What were you expecting me to say?”
    “.. something more specific, maybe? I mean, if you thought he’s so ‘perfect’, why’d he still chea- erm, why’d he leave you?”
    “Because I’m just not good enough for him? I don’t know..” she paused. “What is love to you then…”
    “Hmm.. to me, being together or in love with someone should be more that just a feeling.. it should also be about mutual understanding, acceptance, respect, commitment and trust.”
    “That’s what all couples would hope and want their relationship to be like, Matt. But expectations and reality don’t always go together..”
    “Or maybe.. someone’s just not trying?”
    “Well if you think love is so simple.. why haven’t you been with anyone all these years?”
    “I never said love was simple.. but I guess the reason why I’ve never been with anyone yet is because.. I already know exactly what I want,”
    “You have.. a checklist?”
    “Sorta. It’s not the typical kinda ‘I’d like a girl with long hair, nice smile, etc’ superficial checklist though,”
    “Oh. What kind of list is it then?”
    “It’s like.. a concept of love. Of what it is about a girl that will make me fall completely in love with her. A concept that has more than three specific reasons that would answer any question as to why I love her.”
    “You have a concept of love?” she laughed. “Love isn’t a theory, Matt.. you can’t just classify love by a concept or definition, you simply feel it with your heart..”
    “But you see.. the reason why I think there are so many broken hearts, is because people merely jump into a relationship when their heart feels a certain something towards someone. But I don’t think that’s love, that’s merely an infatuation. Personally, I believe there are more than three reasons and aspects that actually determines whether we really are truly in love beyond the superficial ‘I don’t know why I love him/her.. I just do’ reason,”
    “That makes sense. So what exactly is this.. ‘concept’ of yours about?” she asked, genuine curiosity replacing her initial skepticism.
    “I call it the 4+1 theory. The aspects that will determine if it’s true love or just a fickle infatuation. It’s based on this idea that whenever we like someone, if we really go deeper into what is it that draws us to him or her, we’d be able to find that one specific reason. That’s not love though. That’s merely an attraction or infatuation. But when more than three of the aspects from this theory are present, you’ll be pretty sure that it’s more than just a feeling. For me personally, this determines if I’ll ever fall in love with a girl…”

    Mind. Heart. Body. Soul.
    The mind aspect, to put it simply, is her intellect. But I don’t mean the academic smarts.. it’s the way she thinks, processes and analyzes things way beyond a shallow self centeredness. It’s the way she puts across her thoughts, not for winning an argument’s sake, but to really try to understand or even sensibly debate opposing views that might leave anyone reflecting on her words or challenge me to think differently. It’s the way she carries herself off with an aura of sophistication and enigmatic charm and no matter how much I might think I already know her or have her figured out, she’ll still surprise me with something unexpected. Good surprise. I like intellect. Personally, it takes a little more to intrigue me and stimulate my senses. If I can connect with someone and talk endlessly about the concept of nothing, then, only then, will we be able to talk about everything else.. and I think that’s incredibly alluring,”
    “Ooh.. so my best friend’s sapiosexual too,” she teased. “But what about her likes and dislikes or like her personality.. does that go under the mind aspect too?”

    “Well, that’s where the heart aspect comes in. The heart represents who she is by what she values or cares about. The things she likes, the things she dislikes. What really matters to her, as well as her insecurities and fears..”
    She bit her lower lip – thinking. “But what if him knowing about my past and all my insecurities scares him or drives him away? Or what if he ever uses all of these against me if someday things go bad between us?”
    “Erm.. you do realize that it doesn’t really matter now because whether or not he ever knew, he already chose to leave you right? But.. if he still or ever tries to hurt you in any way, then he is a fucking bastard and I will punch his face,”. I really meant it.
    “I don’t think he even cares about me anymore,” she sighed, “maybe he never really did.. we were so.. different. I don’t know why I never actually realize it before,”
    “Maybe because then, you were too ‘blinded by love’ to see, or you chose to conveniently ignore the differences. Honestly though, I think it’s critical for two people to understand each other’s heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences rather than simply turning a blind eye or deaf ear ‘because I love him and that’s all that matters’. Because if two people are too different in the way they think, behave or live.. I reckon it will become a huge problem when the infatuation bubble bursts.”
    “I don’t really understand..” she said.
    “Let me just ask you this.. does he know how passionate you are towards the arts and music?”
    “Well, no.. not really. He’s more the sports kind of guy and doesn’t like theatre and stuff so I didn’t want him to get bored if I talked to him about things he isn’t interested in..”
    “Then i’m guessing he probably also doesn’t care or know the little things about you. Like how you’re afraid of the dark and why you’re actually scared of darkness.. how family and relationships are really important to you.. that ice cream is your happy pill. You know, I’m even going to bet that he doesn’t know you go to bed every night, clutching your phone just hoping and waiting for him to text you goodnight..”
    She started to tear again, but I continued..
    “You see, it’s not a matter of whether it bores him or not.. it’s a matter of whether he bothers or not. I mean, if he doesn’t even know these things about you, then he really doesn’t know you at all. How then can he say he loves you?”
    “But I really loved him,” she murmured softly to herself .
    “I know you did. I know you still do and it’s hurting you like shit. But you need to know that for any kind of relationship to work.. two people need to give and take. Sadly, with him, it seems like you’re the one who was always giving. If he actually really loved you back as much, he’d make a greater effort to close the gap and bridge the differences between you two. He’d want to hear what you have to say, he would actually consider your opinions, your needs and your feelings. He’ll not just tell you or text you that he loves you.. he’ll show it by the things he will do or be willing to do no matter how inconvenient or silly it might be, just because.. he knows it’ll make you happier or better. To me, when it comes to a relationship, the heart aspect isn’t just a feeling or who you/he or she is anymore. It becomes two hearts beating as one. Two people wanting to understand each other.. sharing the good, the bad and possibly a future together; actually bothering and supporting each other’s feelings, values, dreams, thoughts, emotions,”
    She stayed silent for a long while before she looked up, holding my gaze.. there was this unspoken tension building before she finally spoke again.
    “But.. what if something that’s important to me, is not something the guy might feel same way about?”
    “Then I’ll try-” I caught myself. “I mean, if I were him. I’d try. I’d make the effort.. because it’s important to you and you’re important to me,”
    She remained silent again. She wasn’t crying anymore but this time, the prolonged silence was starting to grow even more deafening.
    “Matt,” she finally spoke – softly, “do you believe in love at first sight?”
    “No.” I said flatly.
    “Oh..” she sighed. “You know what you said about mind and heart.. it’s actually starting to sink in and I’m beginning to realize that maybe these two aspects weren’t exactly a big part of my relationship with him,”
    “So what made you fall in love with him then?”
    “Well.. don’t laugh, but I’ve always thought that with him, it was love at first sight. I mean, there was just this spark between us from the very first time we met,”
    “Cos he was hot?” I scoffed.
    “No.. don’t be an idiot,” she tried to hide her smile but failed. I rolled my eyes. “Okay fine, yea maybe that. But it wasn’t the only reason!”
    I raised an eyebrow.
    “He was really nice too! And he was always sweet to me,“ she began her defense case. “He always made me feel happy, secure and loved without even having to try, you know?” I just continued staring at her waiting for her to go on. “Oh never mind, you’d never understand..”
    “Actually.. I do. And I think I now understand what it was that made you fall in love with him.

    The body aspect.
    The body aspect is about physical attraction, intimacy and presence. I don’t believe in love at first sight. I don’t believe you can just “instantly know” you’re in love or that someone’s THE one just by “first sight”. No offense, but I think the whole love at first sight concept is bullshit that only exists in movies and fairy tales. In reality, it isn’t love. That very first attraction.. is probably lust. Lust at first sight”.
    “What nonsense! It’s not like I was lusting over him from the very first time I laid eyes on him! Maybe it’s the case for guys.. I mean, sex is always on a guy’s mind whenever he meets a girl right? But it’s different for girls, Matt..” she protested.
    “Okay. You know what.. since you brought up the age-old guys and sex debate, I’ll tell you this secret to clarify something about guys for the first and last time.. probably 99% of guys are naturally sexual. If you ever meet any guy who tells you he isn’t sexual at all, it’s not that he’s gay – no, gays are even more horny .. he’s likely to be a liar and you should be more wary of him. BUT! Here’s the thing.. even though guys are sexual by nature, it isn’t always the only or most important thing to a guy,”
    “Really?” now she raised her eyebrow with that annoying smirk on her face.
    “Oh come on, you girls know how it is, plus you aren’t exactly saint-like innocent either.. sometimes you see a hot guy and you start fantasizing or making statements like ‘omg have my babies’..”
    “That…” she started blushing.
    “That.. is exactly my point. It’s the same with guys. We might talk and think about sex a lot more openly than girls but it isn’t always the only thing on our mind. When I said it’s lust at first sight.. I didn’t literally mean you want the guy naked and in bed. What I meant is the momentary attraction or desire– he might be hot, he might be charming, he might have smiled at you that made you feel a certain way.. but that’s not love. That’s really just a superficial physical attraction. Saying “I’m in love” right there and then just completely takes the special meaning out of the word ‘love’. If you ask me, I personally think the process of loving or falling in love with someone involves discovering the person and then perhaps developing feelings. It could happen quickly or over a longer period of time, but not at first sight,”
    “Hmm.. that does make sense,” she paused and then her lips curled up forming that annoying smirk again.
    “Oh wow, this is the first time you and I are talking about sex huh..”.
    “You never asked..”
    “Tell me then.. what is sex to you?”
    “Sex.. to me, is merely a physical act. I am not part of the whole “sex is sacred/taboo” camp but then, I don’t take sides with the whole bed hopping culture either,”
    “I can’t believe you just said that sex is merely a physical act..” she began in a disappointed tone.
    “But sex really is just a physical act if it’s without emotions or feelings. And that is why I distinguish between sex and making love, the same way I clearly differentiate ‘loving’ and ‘being in love’ with someone,”
    “Oh.” this time, she smiled. She understood.
    “Don’t get me wrong.. I think physical intimacy is very important in a relationship but for me, the one physical aspect that matters the most.. is the physical presence. That, is also what I reckon made you fall in love with him.
    “Okay this, I really want to know…” she said.
    “The physical presence is simply being there. You want him to be with you. You want to be there for him. Because just being there with or for each other makes your day, or you as a person, a little better. You may act or behave a little different when you’re with him, but in a good way – in a way that you actually feel completely comfortable, safe and you. Perhaps even without you knowing, you smile more and laugh harder. You feel real, genuine joy. And even on days when the smile can’t happen, you know you don’t have to pretend to be okay or be self conscious in front of him; because its perfectly okay to be the way you are and feel when you’re with him. He cares about you and you feel loved when you’re with him. Sometimes, there are no need for words or explanations.. just his presence, him being there for you, holding you.. makes you feel better or believe that it’s going to be okay again. Because you’re not just holding on to someone for attention or sympathy.. you actually feel and believe that you’re holding on to a part of or the rest of your life..”

    Which leads to the fourth aspect – soul.
    The soul aspect to me, is the deepest form and the final affirmation that should answer any remaining doubt or questions as to whether we’ve truly fallen in love with a person.
    It’s when you start noticing but still appreciate all the other little things, even the flaws – especially the flaws. It’s when you truly know a person stripped down of all their walls, exposed to their soul and yet still accept and love him or her. It’s a level of understanding and acceptance that goes beyond the “honeymoon everything is perfect” period.
    It’s when you finally realize this one person is someone you can always and want to tell everything to, and you want to ask and know everything of him or her as well. It’s when you actually want to share your life and trust your secrets with this person; and you can. This someone is the first person you think of when you’re happy, sad or when something significant happens. This same person is someone you can call at 1am in the morning and they’d drop everything to make time for you, staying by you till the sun rises or you’re better again – as you would for him or her as well. This person cares and will listen. Will really listen, giving you their undivided attention and genuine love; not necessarily every time but any time you need him or her. This one person makes your problem their problem and they go through it together with you just so you don’t have to go through the pain and tears alone,”
    It was at this moment, for the very first time, she looked at me in a different way but said nothing.
    “You see, the soul aspect..” I continued, “is when you start to see and want to share the rest of your life with this one other. And not in a clingy “I can’t live without you” way, but in a way that I can still live my life without you as I have before I met you, but now that you’ve come to exist in my life, I see the possibility of a life with you and now I actually want to make decisions and live a life, continuing to create more moments and memories together with you”.
    “Well.. so.. have you met this one person yet? I mean, I’m sure it’s almost impossible to find that ‘perfect’ girl who fulfills all of your four aspects of love right?” she mumbled. I could barely hear her. She wasn’t even looking at me anymore.
    “No, it is not impossible and I don’t think its asking for too much. You see the thing about these four aspects is, we often and will find one or two aspects in many different people. And that alone may be enough to make us attracted to them or develop a crush on them. But really, that is not love at all. If we like a person because “he’s cute” or “the way she thinks”, that’s just us liking the body and/or mind aspect of a person. The reality is, we are always going to meet many people who possess these different aspects of mind, heart, body or soul. But on a rare occasion when you do meet someone who possess all these four aspects.. you’ll almost definitely know that he or she is not one of many but may just be the one. So personally, I won’t settle for anything less unless she possess more than three qualities. You know people write the symbol of love as < 3 (less than three), I actually think love should be more than three.. I define it as 4+1. “
    “So what’s plus one?” she asked, still not looking at me.
    “Plus one…” I trailed off – unconsciously.
    “Matt?” she placed her hand on top of mine, finally looking me in eye again.
    “Plus one.. is something only the one who's meant to be will ever know and hold the answer to”.

    end.

  • Iri Hati

    Mengenai perasaan dan watak IRI Hati, ada sebuah kisah menarik buat direnungkan.
    Dalam sejarah Yunani ada cerita tentang seorang pemuda yang begitu menonjol dalam pertandingan-pertandingan sehingga rekan-rekan senegaranya mendirikan sebuah patung untuk menghormatinya dan mengenang kemenangan-kemenangannya.
    Patung itu menimbulkan rasa iri dalam hati salah seorang pesaingnya yang sudah pernah dikalahkannya dalam berbagai lomba, sehingga pada suatu malam dia menyusup dalam kegelapan untuk merusak patung itu.
    Mula-mula dia hanya menyayat patung itu; setelah itu dia menarik patung itu sehingga rubuh – persis menimpa dirinya… dan membunuhnya.
    —
    Rasa iri itu selalu membahayakan orang yang memupuknya. ~Tonne

  • Testimoni Dr Richard Teo Keng Siang (1972-2012)

    Aku mau bagikan testimoni dari Dr
    Richard, seorang dokter kaya yang terkena kanker, dan meninggal. Mohon maaf, testimonialnya dalam bahasa inggris.

    Ringkasan saja: Dr. Richard Teo Keng Siang adalah seorang ‘biasa’ yg berjuang, bekerja keras dan
    sukses luar biasa sebagai dokter kecantikan, kaya luar biasa. Di usia 40 tahun, single, dia punya segalanya: ketenaran, kekayaan, cakep dan dia rajin fitnes juga (6x seminggu/tiap hari). Waktu dia diajak ke gereja dia akan bilang: “saya sangat sibuk di pagi hari, suruh gereja itu undurkan kebaktiannya menjadi jam 2, baru saya datang”. Dia arogan sekali
    karena dia merasa punya uang, punya segalanya..

    Dia bilang begini: coba saja, apa yg Tuhan bisa. lakukan untuk membuat aku pergi ke gereja
    Maret 2012, dia lagi fitness, dia merasa gak enak di punggung, singkatnya (ntar baca yah) dia kena kanker stadium 4 langsung, dia kaget banget dan ga percaya. Pertama-tama dia menyangkal dan
    menyalahkan Tuhan, kenapa disaat2 TOP nya dia kok Tuhan beri itu. Akhirnya dia sadar, hanya itu 1-1nya cara Tuhan untuk membuat dia mengerti dan bersaksi.

    16 oct 2012 kemarin dia meninggal dunia di usia 40 tahun. Tapi kesaksiannya yang direkam
    dan disebarkan oleh teman2 ikatan dokter kristen di Singapore, menyadarkan banyak orang kalo uang tanpa Tuhan itu kosong, HIDUP TANPA TUHAN itu sia2.

    Recorded at the Dental Christian Fellowship , on 24 Nov 2011, 8 months after his diagnosis.

    Richard would have liked to share this with you. We are doing this to continue his work.

    Please have a read and leave it behind for someone else to benefit from his sharing.

    If you would like a copy, please let any of his family or close friends know and we will be able to provide both the audio recording as well as the transcript.

    Thank you, and may God bless you richly.

    Below is the transcript of the talk of Dr. Richard Teo, who was a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer, sharing at a Dental Christian Fellowship Meeting. He would have liked to share this with you too.

    HIS BACKGROUND

    Hi good morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse from the chemotherapy, so please bear with me. I thought I’ll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I’m a friend of Danny’s, who invited me here.

    I’d just begin to say that I’m a typical product of today’s society. Before this, I was talking about how the media influences us etc. So I’m a typical product of what the media portrays. From young, I’ve always been under the influence and impression that to be happy, is to be successful. And to be successful, is to be wealthy. So I led my life according to this motto.

    Coming from a poor average family, back in those days, I was highly competitive, whether in sports, studies, leadership. I wanted it all. I’ve been there, done that. But at the end of the day, it’s still about money.

    So in my recent last years, I was a trainee in ophthalmology, but I was getting impatient, cos I had friends of mine who were going out into private practise, making tonnes of money. And there I was, stuck in a traineeship. So I said, ‘Enough, it’s getting too long.’ At that time, there was a surge in protégés of aesthetic medicine. I’m sure you’re aware, aesthetic medicine had peaked over the last few years, and I saw good money in there. So much so that I said, ‘Forget about ophthalmology, I’m gonna do aesthetic medicine.’ So that’s what I did.

    The truth is, nobody makes heroes out of the average GP in the neighbourhood. They don’t. They make heroes out of rich celebrities, politicians, rich and famous people. So I wanted to be one of these. I dived straight into aesthetic medicine. People were not willing to pay when I was doing locum back in those days. Anything more than $30, they would complain that “Wah, this lo kun (doctor) jing qwee (very expensive)”. They made noise and they were not happy. But the same people were willing to pay $10 000 for a liposuction. So I said, ‘Well, let’s stop healing the sick, I’m gonna become a beautician; a medically-trained beautician.’

    And that was what I did – liposuction, breast augmentation, eyelid surgeries, you name it, we do it. It was very good money. My clinic, when we started off, waiting time was 1 week; 1 month; became 2 months; became 3 months. There was so much demand that people were literally queuing up to have aesthetic work done on them. Vain women – easy life!

    So the clinic grew. I was so overwhelmed, from 1 doctor, I employed 2, then 3, then 4 doctors, and carried on. Nothing is ever enough. I wanted more and more and more. So much so that we set up shop in Indonesia to lure all the Indonesian tai tai’s. We set up shop, set up a team of people there, to get more Indonesian patients to come in.

    So, things were doing well. I’m there, my time has arrived.

    Around some time in February last year, I said, ‘OK, I have so much spare cash, it’s time to get my first Ferrari. So there I was, getting ready for the deposit. ‘OK! There comes my first Ferrari!’ I was looking for land, to share with some of my friends. I have a banker friend who makes $5 million a year. So I thought, ‘Come, let’s come together. Let’s buy some land and build our houses.’

    I was at my prime, getting ready to enjoy. At the same time, my friend Danny had a revival. They were going back to church, some of my close friends. They told me, ‘Richard, come, join us, come back to church.’

    I have been a Christian for 20 years; I was baptised 20 years ago, but it was because it was fashionable to be a Christian then. All my friends were becoming Christians then. It was fashionable! I wanted to be baptised, so that when I filled in a form, I could put there “Christian” – feels good. In truth, I had never had a bible; I don’t know what the bible is all about.

    I went to church for a while, after some time, I got tired. I said it’s time to go to NUS, stop going to church. I had a lot more things to pursue in NUS – girls, studies, sports etc. After all, I had achieved all these things without God today, so who needs God? I myself can achieve anything I want.

    In my arrogance, I told them, “You know what? You go tell your pastor to change your sermon to 2pm. I will consider coming to church.” Such arrogance! And I said 1 statement in addition to that – till date, I don’t know I’ve regretted saying that – I told Danny and my friends, “If God really wanted me to come back to church, He will give me a sign.”. Lo and behold, 3 weeks later, I was back at church.

    THE DIAGNOSIS

    In March 2011, out of the blues – I was still running around, ‘cause I’m a gym freak and I always go to the gym training, running, swimming 6 days a week. I had some backache, and that’s all I had, but it was persistent. And so I went for an MRI to exclude prolapsed disc. And the day before I had my scan, I was still in the gym, lifting heavy weights, doing my squats. And the next day, they found that half my spine had bone marrow replacement. I said, “Woah, sorry, what’s that?”

    We had a PET scan the next day, and they diagnosed that I had terminal lung cancer, stage 4B. It had spread to the brain, half the spine, whole of my lungs were filled with tumour, liver, adrenals…

    I said, “Can’t be, I was just at the gym last night, what’s going on?” I’m sure you know how it feels – though I’m not sure if you know how it feels. One moment I was there at the peak, the next day, this news came and I was totally devastated. My whole world just turned upside down.

    I couldn’t accept it. I have a hundred relatives on both sides, my mom and my dad. 100 of them. And not a single one has cancer. To me, in my mind, I have good genes, I’m not supposed to be having this! Some of my relatives are heavy chain smokers. Why am I having lung cancer? I was in denial.

    HIS ENCOUNTER WITH GOD

    So the next day, I was still in a state of denial, still unable to accept what was going on. There I was lying in an operating theatre in a hospital, for a needle biopsy (for histology). There I was, just completed the biopsy, and lying in the operating theatre. The nurses and doctors had left; told me I had to wait for 15 minutes to do a check X-ray to make sure there’s no pneumothorax (a complication).

    And there I was, lying on the operating table, staring blankly at the ceiling in a cold, quiet operating theatre. Suddenly I just heard an inner voice; it was not like coming from outside. It was inside. This small inner voice that I had never felt before. And it said very specifically, it said, “This has to happen to you, at your prime, because it’s the only way you can understand.”

    I said, “Woah, why did that come from?” You know, when you speak to yourself, you’d say, “OK, what time should I leave this place? Where shall I have dinner after this?” You’d speak from a first person point of view. You don’t say, “Where should YOU go after this?” Whereas the voice that came spoke as a third party. It said, “This has to happen to YOU, at YOUR prime, because this is the only way YOU can understand.” At that time, my emotions just overflowed and I broke down and cried, alone there. And I knew then, subsequently, what it means to understand that why this is the only way.

    Because I had been so proud of myself, my whole life, I needed nobody else. I was gifted with things that I could do, why do I need anybody else? I was just so full of myself that there was no other way I could have turned back to God.

    In fact, if I were diagnosed with stage 1 or 2, I would have been looking around busily for the best cardiothoracic surgeon, remove a section of the lobe (do a lobectomy), do preventive chemotherapy…The chances of it being cured is extremely high. Who needs God? But I had stage 4B. No man can help, only God can.

    A series of events happened after that. I wasn’t sold after that, because of the inner voice, I became believing, prayers, all that. No I wasn’t. To me, it was just ‘maybe there was a voice; or maybe that was just me talking to myself.’ I didn’t buy the story.

    What happened next was that I was being prepared for chemotherapy. I started off with a whole brain radiation therapy first; takes about 2 -3 weeks. In the meantime they prepared me for chemotherapy, supplements etc. One of the things they used for chemo was a thing called Zometa. Zometa – they use it to strengthen the bones; once the bone marrow (replacement) is cured of cancer cells, it becomes hollow, so we need Zometa to strengthen the bone to prevent compression fractures.

    One of the side effects of Zometa is that it can cause osteonecrosis (bone death) of the jaw, and I had to have my wisdom teeth removed. Years ago, I had my upper wisdom teeth removed, cos it was giving me trouble. The lower ones didn’t give me trouble so I said, “Forget it, just leave it.” So of cause, Danny volunteered to remove it for me.

    So there I was, lying there in a dental chair, asking myself, suffering all the side effects of radiotherapy, and now I have to go through wisdom tooth surgery. As if I’ve not had enough to suffer! So I asked Danny, “Eh, bro, is there any other way? Can I not go though this?” He said, “Yes, you can pray.”

    I said, “What’s there to lose? Ok lah, pray lah!” And so we prayed. And we did an X-ray after that. Everything was all there, all the appliances and everything. And lo and behold, the Xray showed that there was no wisdom teeth in the lower jaw. I know most people have 4 wisdom teeth, maybe some have none, but to be missing one or 2, as I understand – I’m not too sure, as I understand – is not that common.

    Still I was, “Nah, I don’t care about that.” To me, as long as I didn’t have to take out the tooth, I was happy. At that point, I still wasn’t sold on prayers. Maybe it was just a coincidence – for whatever it’s worth.

    I continued meeting my oncologist, asking him, “How long do I have?” I asked him. He said, not more than 6 months. I said, “Even with chemotherapy?” About 3 – 4 months, he said.

    I couldn’t grasp that. It was difficult to come to terms. And even as I went through radiotherapy, I was struggling everyday, especially when I wake up, hoping that it’s just a nightmare; when I wake up, it’s all over.

    As I was struggling, day after day, I went into depression, which is the typical denial, depression blah blah blah that you go through. But for 1 reason, I don’t know why, there was this specific day that I was supposed to meet my oncologist. At about 2pm, I felt this sudden surge of peace, comfort, and in fact, a little happiness. It was just overflowing. For no rhyme or reason, it just came about 2pm, as I was getting ready, dressing up to meet my oncologist. So much so that I whats-apped all my friends that, “Bros, I just feel so good suddenly! I don’t know why, it just came!”

    And it was only days, or was it weeks after, that Danny revealed to me that he had fasted for 2 days for me, and he was bargaining with God, and fasted for 2 dyas, and he ended his fast at that exact same point, about 2pm thereabouts, that this surge of sensation came to me for no rhyme or reason. And I didn’t know that he was fasting for me. And when he ended the fast, I felt that sensation!

    Whoa, things were getting a bit too coincidental. I was starting to buy a bit of the story, but still I wasn’t sold. As days passed by, I completed my radiotherapy, about 2 weeks plus. Getting ready for chemo, so they let me rest for a few days.

    See, the mortality rate of lung cancer : Lung cancer has the highest mortality rate. If you add up breast, colorectal (colon) cancer, and prostate cancer (the top few cancers in Singapore for men and women), if you add up the mortality rate of these 3, it still doesn’t add up to lung cancer. Simply because, you understand, you can remove the prostate, the colon, the breast, but you cannot remove your lungs.

    But there’s about 10% of lung cancer patients who do pretty well for some reasons, because they have this specific mutation; we call it the EGFR mutation. And it happens, only 90% of the time, in Asian ladies who never smoked in their lives. Me, first of all, I’m male. 2ndly, I’m a social smoker. I take one a day after dinner; weekends, when my friends offer me, I take it as well. I’m a light smoker, not a social smoker. But still, my oncologist was still not hopeful for me to have this mutation.

    The chances of it happening for me was maybe 3-4% for me to get it. That’s why I was being primed to go for chemo. But through all the intense prayers, friends like Danny, people that I don’t even know, it turned out that, during my waiting for chemo, the results came back that I was EGFR positive. I was like, “Woah, good news!” Cos now I don’t have to undergo chemo at that time, because there’s this oral tablet that you can use to control this disease.

    Just to share with you some idea – this is a CT scan – thorax – of my lungs, before treatment.

    AFTER BEFORE

    Every single dot there is a tumour. You can see all the mets (metastasis) there. This is just one single plane. Literally I had it in both lungs, and I had literally tens of thousands of tumour. That’s why the oncologist told me, even with chemo, at most 3-4 months.

    But because of this mutation, they have this oral medication. This is what happened after 2 months of treatment. As you can see over here; this is what God can do. And that’s why I’m still here having this opportunity to share with you. As you can see over here, the difference between before and after treatment.

    At that point, I said, “Well, it’s to be expected, isn’t it? The medicine is good.” I’m still not buying the story. Well, the guys prayed for me and the tumour markers started to come down. 90% of the tumours were wiped out, and the tumour markers came down to more than 90% over the next few months.

    But still, you know, once you have the clinical knowledge, you know the statistics. One year survival, two year survival; having all this knowledge is not a good thing. Cos you live with the knowledge that even with all this, the cancer cells are so unstable, they keep mutating. They will overcome and become resistant to the drugs, and eventually you’re gonna run out of medication.

    So living with this knowledge is a huge mental struggle, a huge mental torture. Cancer is not just about a physical struggle, it’s a huge mental torture. How do you live with no hope? How do you live with not being able to plan for the next few years? The oncologist tells you to bear with it for the next 1 – 2 months. So it’s a lot of struggles as I went through: March, then April. April was my lowest point, in deep depression, struggling even as I was recovering.

    HIS ACCEPTANCE & PEACE

    And one of those days, I was there in bed, struggling in the afternoon, asking God, “Why? Why do I have to go through this suffering? Why do I have to endure this hardship, this struggle? Why me?”

    As I fell asleep, in my dreamy state, a vision just came, that says Hebrews 12:7-8.

    Now mind you, at this time, I had not read the bible. I have no clue what’s Hebrews, I don’t even know how many chapters there are. Totally clueless.

    But it says Hebrews 12:7-8, very specifically.

    I didn’t think too much of it. I just continued sleeping. Then I woke up, and I said, “What’s there to lose? I’d just check it out lah!” Danny had bought me a bible; it’s still quite new. I said, “It’s ok, just try.” So I flipped to the Old Testament. Hebrews to me sounds like something ancient, so it should be in the Old Testament right? So I flipped through the Old Testament. No Hebrews there. I was so disappointed.

    Then I said, “Maybe New Testament, let’s have a look!”. WOW – New Testament, there’s Hebrew’s!! It says Hebrews 12:7-8. It says, “Endure hardship as discipline as God is treating you as His children.”

    I said, “WAH!! Where did that come from?” I was getting goose pimples all over my body. I said, “This can’t be, right?” I mean, what’s the chance of somebody, who has never read the bible, to have a vision of a chapter of a specific verse, that answers my question directly?

    I think God called to me directly as I was there sleeping, struggling with it, asking God, “Why do I have to suffer? Why do I have to suffer this?” And God says “Endure hardship as discipline as God is treating you as His child.”

    At this point, the chance of that happening is even lesser than my EGFR being positive. There’s just no way; there’s so many millions of thousands of verses in the bible, how can I just conjure up something like that?

    So at that point, I was sold I said, “YOU WIN! YOU WIN!!”

    Ok , I was convinced. And so from that day onwards, I started believing in my God. And the last time I heard that inner voice was the end of April. And that inner voice, same thing, in the afternoon, as I was sleeping (this time I wasn’t struggling, just going to sleep). In a dreamy state I just heard Him say, “Help others in hardship.”

    It was more like a command, rather than a statement. And that’s when I embarked on this journey, helping others in hardship. And I realised that hardship is not just about being poor. In fact, I think a lot of poor people are probably happier than a lot of us here. They are so easily contented with whatever they have, they’re probably pretty happy.

    Hardship can happen to rich people; it can be physical hardship, mental hardship, social, etc. And also over the last few months, I started to understand what this true joy is about. In the past, I substituted true joy with the pursuing of wealth. I thought true joy is about pursuing wealth. Why? Cos let me put it to you this way, in my death bed, I found no joy whatsoever in whatever objects I had – my Ferrari, thinking of the land I was going to buy to build my bungalow etc, having a successful business.

    It brought me ZERO comfort, ZERO joy, nothing at all. Do you think I can hold onto this piece of metal and it’s going to give true joy? Nah, it’s not going to happen.

    True joy comes from interaction with other people. And at a lot of times, it is a short term pride, the past. When you pursue your wealth, Chinese New Year is the best time to do it. Drive my Ferrari, show off to my relatives, show off to my friends, do my rounds, and then you thought that was true joy? You really think that those guys who sold you your Ferrari, they share their joy with you? And your relatives, wow, they share this joy with you? In truth, what you have done is just to illicit envy, jealousy, and even hatred. They are not sharing the joy with you, and what I have is that short-term pride that wow, I have something you don’t have! And I thought that was joy!

    So what we have is basically a short-term pride at the expense of somebody else. And that wasn’t true joy. And I found no joy at all on my deathbed, thinking of my Ferrari – to hold on to it, sayang it?!?

    True joy I discovered comes from interaction. Over the last few months I was so down. Interaction with my loved ones, my friends, my brothers in Christ, my sisters in Christ, and only then was I able to be motivated, able to be uplifted. To share your sorrow, to share your happiness – that’s true joy.

    And you know what makes you smile? True joy comes from helping others in hardship, and because I’ve gone through this, I know what hardship entails. In fact, there’re some cancer patients who tell me a lot of times, people come up to them and tell them, “Stay positive. Stay positive.” Yah, right. You come in my shoes and you try to stay positive! You don’t know what you’re talking about!

    But I have the licence. So I’ve been going out to meet other fellow cancer patients, to share with them, encourage them. And I know, because I’ve been through it, and it’s easier for me to talk to them.

    And most importantly, I think true joy comes from knowing God. Not knowing about God – I mean, you can read the bible and know about God – but knowing God personally; getting a relationship with God. I think that’s the most important. That’s what I’ve learnt.

    So if I were to sum it up, I’d say that the earlier we sort out the priorities in our lives, the better it is. Don’t be like me – I had no other way. I had to learn it through the hard way. I had to come back to God to thank Him for this opportunity because I’ve had 3 major accidents in my past – car accidents. You know, these sports car accidents – I was always speeding , but somehow I always came out alive, even with the car almost being overturned. And I wouldn’t have had a chance. Who knows, I don’t know where else I’d be going to! Even though I was baptised it was just a show, but the fact that this has happened, it gave me a chance to come back to God.

    Few things I’d learnt though:
    1. Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart – this is so important.
    2. Is to love and serve others, not just ourselves.

    There is nothing wrong with being rich or wealthy. I think it’s absolutely alright, cos God has blessed. So many people are blessed with good wealth, but the trouble is I think a lot of us can’t handle it. The more we have, the more we want. I’ve gone through it, the deeper the hole we dig, the more we get sucked into it, so much so that we worship wealth and lose focus. Instead of worshipping God, we worship wealth. It’s just a human instinct. It’s just so difficult to get out of it.

    We are all professionals, and when we go into private practise, we start to build up our wealth – inevitably. So my thought are, when you start to build up wealth and when the opportunity comes, do remember that all these things don’t belong to us. We don’t really own it nor have rights to this wealth. It’s actually God’s gift to us. Remember that it’s more important to further His Kingdom rather than to further ourselves.

    Anyway I think that I’ve gone through it, and I know that wealth without God is empty. It is more important that you fill up the wealth, as you build it up subsequently, as professionals and all, you need to fill it up with the wealth of God.

    I think that’s about it. It’s good to share. Thanks.

    Artikel Asal

  • Bukankah Mereka Saudaramu?

    Yesus berkata: Lembu dan keledai kamu lepaskan untuk mendapatkan makanan dan minuman, maka wajarlah jika wanita yang telah menderita selama 18 tahun ini mendapatkan pelepasan dari deritanya (Luk
    13:16)

    Memelihara binatang tentunya baik, apalagi kalau itu menjadi hobby dan kesenangan kita. Membeli makanan yang mahal dan memberi yang enak kepada
    binatang adalah tanda bahwa engkau sungguh merawat/memeliharanya.

    Aku hanya membisikkan kata hatiku kepadamu sebagai sahabatku bahwa kadang harga
    bahkan makanan binatang piaraan kita lebih enak dari makanan saudara-saudara kita yang miskin di pinggir jalan kehidupan kita. Binatang piaraan mendapatkan
    jatah makan 3 kali sehari tapi kadang kita tak rela membiarkan remah-remah dari meja makan kita atau sisa-sisa duit di dompet kita setelah membeli barang mahal untuk mengenyangkan perut yang lapar dari saudara-saudari kita.

    Aku hanya mengatakan ini kepadamu; “Jika engkau senang dan mampu memelihara binatang karena engkau mempunyai uang maka tentunya tidak ada
    larangannya, tapi bila karena hanya seekor binatang maka engkau mengabaikan saudara-saudarimu di pinggir jalan kehidupanmu maka inilah kesempatan bagimu untuk memeriksa kembali suara hatimu. Aku tidak mengajarimu tentang cara hidup dan berbuat baik, tapi hanya mengingatkanmu akan kenyataan bahwa banyak binatang peliharaan kita lebih bahagia
    daripada saudara-saudari kita.
    Engkau boleh marah dan mengeritik aku tapi aku takkan
    pernah membiarkan pikiranku memadamkan gelora cinta di hatiku untuk selalu mengingatkanmu akan nilai-nilai kehidupan sebagai seorang murid Kristus.

    Mengapa? karena berapa pun besar cintamu pada binatang peliharaanmu, tapi takkan pernah engkau akan menjumpainya lagi di kehidupan berikutnya. Tapi bila
    engkau membantu saudara-saudarimu yang miskin dan papa di dunia ini, maka kuyakinkan engkau bahwa suatu saat engkau dan dia akan duduk bersama di satu meja di Rumah Sang Bapa untuk merasakan enaknya
    masakan surgawi.

    Sumber artikel

  • Nasihat Bijaksana

    Seorang mursyid (arif bijaksana) pernah memberikan nasehat2 berikut di bawah ini:

    Pemberani yang suka memamerkan keberaniannya bisa terbunuh.
    Sementara pemberani yang menyembunyikan keberaniannya bisa selamat.

    Kata-kata yang bisa dipercaya tidak perlu dihias
    Kata-kata yang dihias jangan dipercaya

    orang yang baik hatinya tidak suka berdebat
    Orang yang suka berdebat tidak baik hatinya

    Orang yang arif tidak perlu banyak ilmunya
    Orang yang banyak ilmunya belum tentu arif.

    Tau mencukupkan diri kita tidak membuat diri kita menjadi hina
    Tau batas kemampuan, terhindar dari bahaya

    Ada yang bengkok, barulah ada yang mau diluruskan
    Ada yang usang, barulah ada yang baru
    Ada yang sedikit, baru kemudian ada yang banyak
    Punya yang banyak malahan membikin orang menjadi bingung.

    Tidak menonjolkan diri malah menjadi cemerlang
    Tidak merasa diri paling benar malah dipuji orang
    Tidak memperlihatkan jasa malah berjasa
    Tidak membusungkan dada bisa bertahan lama

    Orang yang tidak mau bersaing, maka di dunia ini tidak ada yang mampu menyainginya
    Orang yang mau mengalah dengan ketulusan hatinya, semua orang akan berpaling kepadanya.